Keep your voice calm, give a short instruction, and follow through consistently. At four, a child can understand a rule and still struggle to stop himself when he really wants something. More explaining in that moment often won’t help.

It’s exhausting when shouting seems to be the only thing that works. A child who stops because he’s frightened still needs help learning self-control. Physical punishment and yelling are ineffective over the long term. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends clear limits, redirection, and positive reinforcement. [AAP guidance](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.aspx)

When he grabs his brother’s toy, try this:

1. Get close and gently block his hand if needed to protect his brother. Say, “I won’t let you take it. He’s using it.”
2. Give one concrete direction: “Give the truck back.” Keep the explanation short, and avoid asking “Will you give it back?” when it isn’t optional.
3. Give him a brief chance to return it, then calmly help him do so. If he keeps grabbing, separate their play for now: “You’re having trouble leaving his toy alone. We’ll play over here.”
4. Acknowledge how he feels: “You really want that truck. It’s hard to wait. You can ask for a turn or choose another toy.” He can be upset while you make sure the toy goes back.
5. Notice when he manages to wait: “You waited until he finished. That was helpful.” Practise asking and taking turns later, when he’s calm.

The [CDC’s parenting guidance](https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/directions/good-directions.html) supports clear, age-appropriate directions and immediate consequences related to the behavior. Following through consistently helps him learn what to expect when you set a limit.

To help yourself stay calm, decide on a sentence beforehand: “I can be firm without being loud.” Take one slow breath, lower your voice, and use fewer words. You can respond calmly even when you don’t feel calm. If you’re close to hitting him, put both children somewhere safe and take a brief pause, or have another adult take over. The [AAP also recommends taking a parent time-out](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.aspx).

Outside these conflicts, spend time with him individually and watch for tiredness or hunger. Praise small moments of cooperation. Offer choices before trouble starts, and avoid negotiating a reward each time he grabs something.

The aim is to hold the limit without anyone getting hurt, even if he disagrees or keeps crying. Expect to repeat this many times. If aggression is frequent, causes injuries, or you regularly struggle to avoid physical punishment, ask his pediatrician for help and parent coaching. [AAP guidance on aggression](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/pages/Aggressive-Behavior.aspx)