**There is specialist literature on this question, but little direct evidence comparing early disclosure with waiting until adolescence or adulthood.** I found no controlled study establishing an optimal age, or showing that disclosure at 18 produces better outcomes. The usual professional recommendation is truthful, developmentally appropriate disclosure, with further conversations as children grow. That recommendation rests largely on clinical expertise rather than trials of disclosure timing.

The most directly relevant paper is Albert C. Cain’s **“Children of Suicide: The Telling and the Knowing”**, *Psychiatry* 65(2), 124–136 (2002). Cain, a University of Michigan psychologist, examines precisely the question you ask. He describes the limited literature and challenges an absolute rule that every child must receive the whole truth immediately. His discussion is based primarily on clinical and preventive work, rather than a controlled comparison of disclosure strategies. He emphasizes that being told does not necessarily mean understanding, and that the parent’s explanation of *why* the suicide happened also matters. [Paper abstract and citation](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12108137/).

It helps to distinguish that literature from research on **the effects of parental suicide itself**. For example, Cerel and colleagues followed 26 suicide-bereaved children aged 5–17 and compared them with 332 children bereaved by other parental deaths over two years. They found more anxiety, anger and shame in the suicide-bereaved group. This comparison does **not** establish whether telling children earlier or later causes better outcomes; the groups differed in the cause of death, and some difficulties predated the bereavement. [Cerel et al., 1999](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10361784/).

The advantages and disadvantages below are therefore **clinical considerations, not experimentally demonstrated effects of disclosure timing**:

| Approach | Potential advantages | Potential difficulties |
|---|---|---|
| Earlier, age-appropriate disclosure | The child hears from a trusted caregiver; misunderstandings and self-blame can be addressed; there is less opportunity to discover the truth accidentally. | Younger children may understand only part of the explanation. Information needs to be given in small amounts and revisited. |
| Delaying disclosure | Allows time to prepare an explanation and arrange support; an older child may understand more complex information. | The child may learn elsewhere, imagine explanations, or later feel misled. Greater understanding at an older age does not establish that the news will be emotionally easier. |

These considerations are reflected in guidance from the **National Child Traumatic Stress Network** and **Winston’s Wish**, a specialist childhood bereavement service. Both favor honest explanations adapted to the child’s understanding. They identify possible problems with secrecy, including confusion, accidental discovery and damage to trust. These are professional guidance documents, not comparative studies. [NCTSN caregiver guide](https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources/fact-sheet/talking_to_your_child_about_a_suicide_death_.pdf), [Winston’s Wish: *Beyond the Rough Rock*](https://winstonswish.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/ww-0195-BK-Beyond-The-Rough-Rock.pdf).

For **how** to disclose, those services recommend:

- Give a simple, truthful explanation, using words the child understands and avoiding unnecessary details.
- Allow questions and check what the child understood.
- Expect to return to the subject rather than treating disclosure as one completed conversation.
- If an earlier explanation was incomplete or inaccurate, acknowledge that and explain again.

Winston’s Wish specifically addresses correcting an earlier account; it does not suggest that having delayed means the opportunity for an honest conversation has passed. [*Beyond the Rough Rock*](https://winstonswish.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/ww-0195-BK-Beyond-The-Rough-Rock.pdf).

The NCTSN guide additionally recommends explicitly addressing guilt, acknowledging uncertainty about why the person died, and explaining that one family member’s suicide does not mean others will die that way. Mental illness should be discussed where appropriate, without inventing a diagnosis or presenting suicide as inevitable. [NCTSN caregiver guide](https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources/fact-sheet/talking_to_your_child_about_a_suicide_death_.pdf).

Taking your timeline as stated, your younger children are now approximately 13 and 11. **The sources do not provide an evidence-based reason to wait until 18.** Applying the specialist guidance to your circumstances would favor planning a supported, age-appropriate conversation now. Given the several suicide deaths in your family and the long interval, a clinician experienced in childhood suicide bereavement could help tailor the explanation and follow-up to each child. That is an application of professional guidance—not a claim that research has proved one disclosure age best.