You don’t need to track him down simply because a family member is pressuring you. Your son’s questions deserve honest, reassuring answers; they don’t necessarily mean he needs immediate contact with his biological father.

You’re already doing something valuable by welcoming his questions and helping him understand that families look different. You could also give him a more concrete explanation: **“You have a biological dad, but he isn’t part of our lives right now. I don’t know why he hasn’t been in touch. It’s nothing you did, and it isn’t your job to change it. You can always ask me about him.”** Let his questions guide how much you explain.

I would gently adjust the message about your fiancé. Saying “he can be your dad whenever you say so” may put a big decision on a five-year-old’s shoulders. Instead: “He loves you and wants to help care for you. You don’t have to call him Dad.” Their relationship can develop without your son having to decide anyone’s role.

Years without contact tell you his father hasn’t shown up, although they can’t tell you exactly why or whether that might change. If you ever choose to reach out, make the initial contact privately, without telling your son or promising a meeting. Before involving your son, consider whether his father can offer safe, consistent involvement and respect your son’s pace. If there’s a history of violence, threats, or coercion, that changes the decision substantially.

For now, continuing the conversation with your son is a reasonable choice. You can tell your relative: **“I’m taking his questions seriously. I’ll consider contact based on his needs and his father’s ability to be consistently involved. Please stop pushing me, and don’t make promises to him or contact his father on our behalf.”** You don’t have to make a permanent decision today.