That sounds exhausting, especially while you’re also protecting his younger brother. **A useful approach is a short instruction, calm follow-through, and practice when he’s settled.** At four, children still need help managing impulses; understanding a rule and following it when they desperately want something are different skills.

Yelling or physical punishment may stop him in the moment. Physical punishment is associated with increased aggression, and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends avoiding hitting and spanking. You can set firm limits with calm words and actions. [AAP guidance](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.aspx)

For the toy situation, try this sequence:

1. **Move close and give one clear instruction.** Get down to his level and say, “Give the truck back to your brother.” Use a steady, ordinary voice. Allow a few seconds for him to respond.
2. **Follow through.** If he keeps grabbing, gently block the grab or return the toy yourself: “He’s using it. I’ll help you give it back.” If he tries again, separate their play for now and stay nearby.
3. **Acknowledge the feeling and keep the limit.** “You really want that truck. Waiting is hard. You can choose another toy while he finishes.” He may cry or protest; the limit can stay in place while you comfort him.
4. **Teach the alternative once he’s calm.** Practise saying, “Can I have a turn when you’re finished?” Notice his attempts: “You waited until he finished. That helped him enjoy his turn.”

The CDC recommends giving one specific direction at a time, using a calm tone, following through consistently, and praising cooperation. [CDC guidance](https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/communication/giving-directions.html)

**To stay calm, decide on your words and action beforehand.** For example: “Give it back,” followed by helping return it. This gives you something predictable to do when you’re frustrated. Take a slow breath, lower your voice deliberately, and keep explanations brief during the conflict.

If you feel close to hitting him, put both children in safe, separate places and take a brief pause, or ask another adult to take over. If you’ve shouted or hit, repair it once calm: “I shouted/hit you. That was wrong. Next time I’ll pause and use a calm voice.” The toy rule still applies.

Between conflicts, give him some regular individual attention and practise taking turns during easy play. Watch for patterns such as hunger, tiredness, or conflict when you’re occupied with his brother.

Expect to repeat this many times. If aggression causes injuries, you frequently feel close to losing control, or difficulties also occur at preschool, speak with his pediatrician and ask about parent coaching. [AAP advice on aggression](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Aggressive-Behavior.aspx)